Truth & Mercy Series - July 26th 2026

Truth and Mercy series (Doubts During Retreat)

“For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life?” (Mark 8:36 NRSVCE)  

As I continue my silent retreat, I was inundated by doubts and questions last night before going to bed. They were myriads and numerous. They range from, “What shall be your reward for all these efforts you put in making disciples”? Do you think this is worth anything? Does anyone appreciate what you are doing or notices any of these? Why are you doing this? To get noticed or for the salvation of your soul? Sometimes the questions and doubts came in torrents that I cannot itemize them right now or even process them, but I knew they were planning to immerse me in a “dark place”. They were trying to submerge my thinking in a very terrible and stifled place where I might not see the true “motive” of my actions and planning or even the overarching disposition of the mission Christ is carrying out both in and out parish and in my life.  

As a believer in Christ Jesus, these are not new questions or doubts but they take on new meanings or paths whenever they are posed. As a technique, I always take everything to the Blessed Virgin when these issues begin to prop up. I aligned all my thoughts towards Her. I entrusted all these doubts and questions to Her, allowing Her to help me situate them and bring me answers from God my Father. I did not want to trust myself to “figure” any of these out by myself. In the past, I have tried that style and it was very brutal, because I fell into the trap of the evil one who was lurking in the dark to take advantage of my “innocent” thoughts. I remember very vividly the saying of mothers when you are taking a walk with them. “Never talk to strangers”. The stranger in this case is the devil, “who is prowling round like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand up to him strong in faith.” Immediately these strangers want to have my attention, I turn to my mother who is very much with me at all times and share the questions with Her. Her Immaculate Heart is very attentive to me and knows my plight at that very moment. It is my duty as a child who TRUSTS his mother to quickly give Her the chance to engage the stranger on my behalf. 

These sets of questions or doubts could be different. They could have been tempted to sin. These could be to view pornography, to seek another cup of beer, to engage in masturbation. It could be a temptation to tell a lie or engage in gossip or spill someone’s secret. It could be that careless thought of “not wanting to go to church tomorrow” or to skip your morning or evening prayer or even “I will not go to confession even after a mortal sin.” It might be, “Oh, there is no reason to go to confession today because I am going to commit the sin again.” These questions, doubts, and temptations come so calmly and some call them " intrusive”. Once you try to fix them yourself, you are in trouble. The true temptation is, “I can take care of this,”  or “I am a grown up now.” “I am not a Mama’s boy or girl anymore; I can take care of myself.” 

I can assure you that before you complete those statements, you have fallen and are full of regrets. (To be continued).

Fr. Nicholas Akindele, JCL